Personal Records, and beyond..

I went on a bike ride a couple weekends ago with a new cycling buddy I met at the ‘Women’s Ride Day’ on March 18.  When she asked me if I was doing the Half- Marathon coming up in Lexington here’s how the conversation went:

Me: “No, I will never do that race because it is too hilly and I know I can’t PR on it...  You know what local race I do love, though, is the Bluegrass 10,000 because I have always PR’d at that race!” 

New Cycling Buddy: “So let me get this straight: every race you do has to be a PR?”

Me: “Yes, I prefer it that way..It doesn’t always happen that way, but that’s how I prefer it. I realize the day will come when I no longer PR, but I haven’t yet thought through what I’m going to do or how I’m going to handle myself at that point.” 

After a run or bike ride, I often reflect on conversations held during training because in the middle of training it can be difficult to process thoughts (in fact, during a hard run, it can be difficult to even process words).  So, I thought about that conversation after the ride.  It didn’t take me but a few days to think through how I will handle that day when I accept (after several attempts, I am sure) the fact that my body is no longer capable of producing Personal Record performances.   If my life plays out how I currently expect it to, by that time, I’ll probably be more concerned about what my kids are accomplishing than what I am not.  Even then, I expect there to be a part of me that is sad and nostalgic.  I imagine the first thing I will do is find an Age Equivalent Running Results Chart, or this handy online calculator and plug in my numbers to see what my time equates to if I were of ‘prime running age’! 

This will pacify me for some time, and every race report of mine thereafter will include two times: my actual time, and my computed ‘prime age’ time.  Probably no one but myself will care about my computed time, but it will be the one I personally claim.  I predict I will become so familiar (some may call it obsessed) with the conversions that it will get to the point where I will know immediately upon finishing a race, what my converted time is (and will probably report it as that when a running buddy asks me my time at the finish line party). 

What will happen, though, when these ‘converted times’ don’t satisfy me anymore?  Then what?  Quit running?  I hope not!  Find something new within running to focus on? I hope so!   Maybe I’ll become a trail runner (doubtful, I’m too clumsy even at 29 to handle many trails).  Perhaps I’ll give marathon racing an honest effort because I’ll have more slow twitch muscle fibers by then (we’ll see).. My best guess is that I’ll find my focus where my running mentor Ernie found his: in helping and supporting newer runners. 

I am still at a selfish point in my life.  I say this not because I act or speak selfishly, but because at this point in my life I am responsible for no one but myself.  I don’t yet have the responsibility of raising a child or taking care of an elderly parent.  I believe I will be completely capable of taking on such selfless roles in my life, but for now I’m enjoying being selfish while I can.  Currently, every race I participate in is my race; every training run is done at the time of day, and at the speed I want to run.  Life will happen, and before I know it, ‘I’ will be a word seldom used in my vocabulary.  My training schedule and races will be worked around my family’s schedule, and I’ll be too tired to give every training run my very best effort.  My kids will grow up, leaving me with that need to nurture, and my prime running years will be behind me. 

I have always had the heart and mind of a competitor, but I honestly hope the day will come when it no longer matters to me how fast I am; when even the age conversion calculator means nothing to me, and PR’s will be forgotten (or embellished…because if I am still running at 70, I should be entitled to ‘remember’ the past however I choose)!

How will you/ do you handle letting go of Personal Records ?